hey. long time no write.
finding this blog again was a bitter-sweet occurrence for me. as i read the bright and sweet posts, admiring the cute titles and balloon graphics (if you’re not reading via mobile), i thought to myself, “wow. i am not this person any longer.” and honestly, it made me really sad. five years ago, i was a sweet, kind, and (more) open young woman. my faith game strong, my fight game strong. tender-hearted to the core.
so naturally i thought, “what happened?”
i’m not sure a clear answer exists to that question. a lot happened:
heart break. dreams deferred. bad decisions with long-term consequences. new, big doubts and fears. graduate school. three big moves. the loss of a deeply rooted support system. memories of things i don’t want to remember. and then my response to all of that. i guess i let it harden me. at some point i decided it was too much to weather well.
but thankfully, by God’s grace, i’m still in the fight. selfishness dying, little by little. tenderness returning, day by day. but probably i will never be that previous version of Angela ever again. so while i grieve who i once was, and the person i see in the mirror today is not necessarily someone i like all the time, she is in progress. she is being sifted like wheat and refined like gold.
so i apologize ahead of time for the edges she displays and that you may feel rather sharply at times. then the sins which she will ask for forgiveness again and again but wish she didn’t need to do. but i certainly hope you can love her and see past all of that and instead see someone who is desperately trying to trust her Maker, trying to cling to what is good and true, fighting to know she is loved so she can fully live out those two great commandments. and that she is someone who really does love you but just struggles to show it well.
in the meantime, i’m going to keep the site the way it is, balloons, cute titles, and previous sweet posts. they will serve as markers, reminders of where i have been and of great faithfulness behind and before me.
“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” ~ Philippians 1:6